aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
You'll have more romantic choices than a Denny's menu this week. But take your time and don't let the waitress rush you into making a decision. Sure, those waffles on page two look delicious, but if you keep reading you'll get to the Eggs Over My Hammy on page nine, which, we're sure you'll agree, is a much better meal deal. It comes with free coffee! Wait, we haven't quite squeezed the life out of this metaphor yet. When your meal arrives, don't shovel it in. This is haute cuisine! Chew. Savor. Look up occasionally. See that cutie sitting across the table from you? That's your date! What, you thought the meal was your date? Silly.
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