aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
You know how Cinderella's prince got swept up in the moment at the ball--the glowing lights from the crystal chandeliers, the majestic music from the live orchestra, the elaborate costumes of the guests, the bottomless gin & tonics at the open bar, the beauty and glamour of Cinderella . . . ? In that moment, he became a lovesick puppy, forgetting himself and his responsibilities to his country. And for what? A weak and wimpy white-trash chick with no spine and dishpan hands. This week, have fun at the ball, but don't drink too much, lest you end up wearing rose-tinted fairy-tale beer-goggles like our poor old prince.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Don't lie this week. Just be honest. It truly is the best policy. (Except when faced with questions like "Do I look fat?" or "Is my penis too small?")

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