Image via Eminence Organics

Whenever I travel, I collect spa menus like kids collect baseball cards. After air travel, nothing is more luxurious than being slathered with moisturizers and emollients, and since my plan for one evening involved looking devastatingly hot at a club known for patrons with 2 percent body fat, I opted for a cellulite-reducing wrap. The menu promised that "herbs, spices and bioflavonoids melt cellulite through high blood circulation.," Rock on! When my aesthetician lubed my thighs and stomach with the cool Eminence Organics Herbal Cellulite Treatment, I was skeptical, but she explained that as the mask heated up, it would stimulate circulation, breaking down what she called "the pockets." You know what's a little awkward? Talking about your cellulite while a stranger is actually touching your cellulite. Miss Manners should include that chapter in her next etiquette book.

After she hit the stereotypical problem areas and warned me that the skin would turn a little pink from all the blood activity, she used the Blueberry Soy Slimming Body Wrap on my arms, legs, and back. (Although I have to say I was surprised that she didn't go for any ass action. In fact, I stayed on my back the entire time, only sitting up while she scrubbed my back.) Then she led me to the showers, where I was handed a washcloth adn told to rinse off the herbs without using soap. I noticed that my skin was bright red wherever she had applied the secret blend of 11 herbs and spices and bioflavonoids.

I decided that I had just blown 150 bucks on a 50-minute rubdown, but about an hour later, as I lounged in the spa's hot tub, I really examined my thigh and believe it or not, there wasn't a single spot of cellulite. Nada. It was completely erased. I was ready to sing the praises of bioflavonoids, but sadly the lumpy bumpy had started to return when I woke up the next morning. Blast! Anyway, considered that I am the proud owner of a rather significant amount of the stuff, I didn't really have any high hopes, and even though my thighs were only baby smooth for about 18 hours, I think I have less cellulite than I did before. Was it worth $150 for the process? No, not really, but the idea that a completely blank canvas is possible, even for a short time? That's priceless.