Image via Rodial

It's hard not to take it personally when someone sends you a tube of Rodial Body Sculpture Daily Slimming and Anti-Cellulite Gel, because, what, even the marketing people are horrified by the sight of my ass in a swimsuit? I swallow my lumpy, bumpy pride because I love my job (and you, gentle gorgeous reader) so damned much. The goop contains some great natural ingredients like lavender and pomegranate, plus caffeine to stimulate "drainage" (UGH) and some mysterious bio-marine actives (I imagine this is developed by smart scientific dolphins). I steadied myself for whatever might be entailed with "drainage" and cranked it out immediately post-shower.

What do you get for 95 British Pounds (or 185 bucks in the good old U.S. of A.)? The goop is a kind of fascinating lavender color that melts in super silky without leaving a sticky residue on your lovely lady lumps. Drainage? Meh, maybe a little, but nothing frightening. After a month, I definitely can see a difference on my thighs, but you should also know that I've been doing a gigantic pre-vacation fruit and veggie flush too. Despite both the change in diet and the Rodial, after three weeks my gut bulge hasn't budged, down to the centimeter, but maybe because that is actual chub, not cellulite.

Also, I have to warn you: most of the price of Rodial has to be going toward the fragrance. It's definitely not a bad fragrance, per se; in fact it reminds me of a discontinued Sonia Kashuk fragrance that had a blend of green tea and eucalyptus (Sonia! Call me) or the similar masculine cologne, Kenneth Cole Reaction. Certainly not something that would send your friends scurrying to the other side of the bar, but definitely nothing I'd want to layer with Chanel No. 5. I guess if only an inch stood between my thighs and physical perfection, Rodial's cellulite buster might be worth it, but truthfully, $140 buys a butt facial or lot of fruit smoothies and probably a few tubes of caffeinated body scrub, too, or just save your pennies for Rodial's other lush offerings. And oooh, check it: Allure is giving away some of Rodial's Brazillian Tan Light this month!