Image via Splash

There's something about Nicolette Sheridan that kind of makes you want to hate her. I don't know what it is, but I can feel the cattiness welling up inside me as I try to objectively look at her face. Maybe it's the fact that she looks sculpted out of wax, or medical grade plastics and silicone? It's just weird, because really, I've always had a soft spot in my heart for drag queens and of all the Desperate Housewives, and Sheridan is definitely Empress Supreme. Plus, she doesn't always look this scary.

When she dials down the injectibles (for the record, she denies having work done, as do they all), her softer expression lines come out and she's very approachable and pretty and not nearly as old as she looks on the red carpet. In fact, a lot of the Fright Queen factor seems to be the bronzer and contouring brush because I think she actually looks better without makeup than with it. But let's be objective for a moment about the skin that exists under the theatre mask...

Check out the freckling on her décolletage. Can you say sun damage? No surprise there, given all the flagrant sun worshipping that Nic is known for. Hey, if I had a bod like that (at 44!), I'd definitely be strutting around in a string bikini too, but you'd better believe that I'd be all about the SPF 100. If her shoulders and chest are that speckled, you have to know that there's a ton of blasted skin under that foundation. Most telling is the skin around her lips: gloss offers zero protection, and the lips are the single most sensitive skin on your face. She's losing a lot of the natural elasticity and going all droopy mouth because of it.

I recommend some serious treatment for her face and other exposed parts, something with Vitamin C that will feed her skin cells and maybe block some of the melanin-producing pigments from giving her an even spottier future. MD Skincare has a great Vitie C serum and I'm in love with Philosophy's When Hope Is Not Enough serum. Retinol is always a no-brainer, and the latest news in sag prevention is an antioxidant called copper peptide, which is available all over the place, like this great red tea trio from Ole Henriksen and in drugstore favorites such as Neutrogena Visibly Firm Night Cream.

I'm sure that Nic is visiting some tony spa to get her body polishing done by Norwegian elves or something, but if she wanted to do it herself, Lancôme's Resurface Microdermabrasion Body is a fantastic do-it-yourself option at a fraction of the price of a trip to Canyon Ranch. And of course, all of the treatment in the world isn't going to help her if she doesn't stop soaking in the rays. She should take a few lessons from her co-star Marcia Cross and start protecting what elasticity she has left with a good sunblock like Lancôme's Soleil Ultra Expert Sun Care or the underappreciated brand Nature's Gate's SPF 50 offering, paired with some lip protection, like Erin's fav Beyond Coastal. With a little prevention and a lot of attention, Nicolette won't look like a Desperate Retiree before she hits the big Five Oh.