The one time I happened to catch an episode of The Tyra Banks Show, she was instructing audience members how to pop a zit via two cotton swabs (the Q-tips ensure that you will not squeeze too hard and also that you won't further pollute the blemish with bacteria from your fingertips). Like a sheep, I tried this technique for myself, and it's total bollocks. I mean, it will slightly drain a bulging white head, no question, but just enough to make sure that it will refill with pus on day two of that pimple's life. Simply put, I disagree with Tyra's advice, even though she's a supermodel who gets to interview important political pundits and candidates on her crap show.

Obviously, you're not supposed to ever pop a zit, we all know that. But we all know we do it anyway. So here's a cheat sheet to doing it the right way.

Analyze the evidence
At-home surgery should only be performed when the need is dire. Resist the temptation to get your roommate, boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife involved in this activity. This is a private matter, best performed in a well-lit bathroom at night, on a freshly washed face, in front of one of those awful magnifying mirrors. If the spot in question is anything less than a hulking white pustule, don't bother attempting to squeeze it. You'll only do more harm than good.

Warm it up, Kris
You need to open the pore as much as possible, but overall steaming is a bad idea because it will make your whole face kind of sweaty and moist, which is a terrible backdrop for the naughty deed you are about to undertake. Instead, run a (clean!!!) washcloth under very hot water, wring out the excess, and hold it against the spot until you feel the rag cool. Repeat two or three times. If this zit is a candidate for popping, you'll know after you've primed it. It will appear radiant, as though it is ready to jump from your face into a whole 'nother life form. Gross.

Pass the tissue doctor
If you happen to have medical-grade rubber surgical gloves in your house, now is the time to bust them out. But if you don't (and chances are, if you're not a serial killer or anything, you won't have them on hand), wrap your index fingers in high-grade toilet paper. Trying to drain a zit with a Q-tip may be laughable, but you do need some level of protection. (On that note, no, condoms would not be suitable replacements for gloves--the lubrication would spell disaster, and what if someone walked in on you!? Hard to explain...)

All systems go
It's now or never, so take a deep breath, stare soulfully into that mirror and take a stance that conveys you mean business. The key is to intimidate that unwelcome guest on your face. Position your TP-encrusted fingers around the base of the blemish, and begin to push upwards gently, but firmly. Imagine that you are pressing from the root of the zit deep in your skin and urging it upwards, back into the ether from whence it came.

Know when to fold 'em
All the white stuff gone? Good. Now abort this mission. Some people feel like once they start seeing blood, they need to "drain" it. Maybe this tactic works for the bossy Romanian woman who does your facials, but she is not in the house, and you are just a desperate chick trying to make yourself look decent enough to be able to go to work in the morning. Speaking of work, NEVER, I repeat, NEVER pop a zit in the morning. Sure there are days when you wake up, catch a glimpse in the mirror, and get a bee in your bonnet to deactivate that blemish then and there. Don't even think about it. This goes double for just before you're going out at night, triple for before a date. Not only will you make the whole area look worse and inflamed, you will inevitably get even more desperate and attempt to cover it up with makeup. This won't work because A) the spot will be too oozy to accept makeup and B) all you're doing is pushing more crud in a bacteria-laden cesspool. Oh man this is gross.

After care
Press a clean wad of toilet paper firmly onto the spot to stop bleeding for a minute or as long as it takes. Next, grab some rubbing alcohol, or even better, this is where that Mario Badescu Drying Lotion we're always blathering on about comes in real handy. Now you may use a cotton swab to firmly dab the spot with alcohol or Drying Lotion to clean it out. (The Drying Lotion is preferable because it also deposits calamine on the spot to help clean and literally dry it out, making the area an unfit host for more bacteria.)

Learn to let go
Sorry to break it to ya, but putting makeup, or even any moisturizer, benzoyl peroxide, any product on this area is like laughing at the face of god. Don't push your luck. Rest easy in the idea that there is not a big white bubble on your face anymore (you know, the kind that when people look at you they just want to grab you and do the deed themselves). And now, leave it alone!!!