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Today I'd like to solemnly discuss the powerful punishment that is the lip zit, and if you're nodding your head in solidarity, then you know exactly what I'm talking about, and if you don't, then God bless you (and um, maybe I hate you). I'm referring to the huge conundrum that a big fat zit right on the line where your lip meets facial skin creates. (Technically, you can't get a zit on your lips because they lack sweat glands, but right on the dotted line is totally possible, especially if you scarfed down a big plate of truffled mac n' cheese last night, like some of us might have.)

Normally, you don't want to draw attention to a huge pimple on your face. I mean, who needs to remind people of the painfully obvious? At the same time, the lip zit creates a tricky situation because when you're busily trying to avoid looking anyone in the eye (whilst they in turn, cannot stop staring, as if they are rubbernecking on the freeway while they pass some horrific traffic accident). That's because somewhere in your mind, you're thinking desperately, "Please don't think this is herpes dude, it's just a zit!" and then you're like, "Dang, I have a huge zit on my lip, which is probably equally as gross."

Maybe it's best to keep quiet about the whole mess, and silently suffer until it passes. That's where problem No. 2 rears its ugly head (ew, pun totally not intended): how do you get rid of this disgusting spectacle? Perhaps the thing that makes it worse than an actual cold sore is the fact that it's got a nice white tone to it. But if you pop it, it will inevitably look worse, plus the possibility of scarring means that you will forever have a reminder that you look like you have a huge cold sore on your mouth, or did at one point anyway. Plus, now that we all know the formula for "perceived attractiveness" or whatever includes facial symmetry, (making Kate Moss the poster child for perfectly arranged alignment; read the article to see how you too can cheat and create symmetry with your fringe), then having uneven lip lines is a major beauty faux pas, right?

Okay, as you can see, the neurosis has fully set in. I tried to search this newfangled thing called the Web in order to come up with answers, but I got this oh-so-helpful advice:
"Zit on lip swollen is definitely an unwanted visitor and you would always want to eradicate the condition as soon as possible."

I clicked through to the special section called "zits on your smooth and beautiful lips"--gawd, it's like they know me!--but it just went to some page explaining the difference between blackheads and papules. So 101. Meh, guess I'm just screwed. (Okay, I officially feel extremely vain and shallow now...) But if anyone wants to blow off some steam on the subject, I guess this is the chance.