Image via Fruits and Passion

Now, I'm all for taking an "olfactory and sensory trip to Africa," as the Fruits and Passion press release promises me. Their new Baobab line aims to do just that, paying homage to the African baobab tree and blending notes of amber, ivory wood and "ripened dates give it an ambrosial allure."  So basically, after using these products, I should want to have sex with someone.

The Shower Gel, though lovely, did not necessarily "transform [my] daily cleaning ritual into a sensorial experience." Still, it smelled good: subtle and sultry. I figured the added tamanu oil might be extra moisturizing as well. In fact, I was looking forward to getting down with the extra rich Whipped Body Soufflé after my shower, but first I decided to crack open the Body Scrub so I could enjoy "a thorough exfoliation and an exotic sensory experience." I had a spastic scrubfest, then turned off the water to hop out and keep up my passionate yet fruity momentum, only to notice that the tub was covered in a brown, muddy grime. I turned the shower head back on and tried to guide the goop toward the drain with my freshly smooth toes, but the stuff would hardly budge.

I got out of the tub, patted myself down with the Soufflé (which did melt into my skin, as promised), threw on my robe, and ran to my closet to get dressed asap so I could start cleaning up all the offensive muck. Unfortunately, my boyfriend made it to the bathroom before I could get back in. "What the hell is all this stuff!?" I heard him muse. Loudly.

So much for hot sex. The only doing I had to do was uh, do the horizontal cleaning dance with my bathtub. Ah well.

The line is really nice and if you want to give it a try, you can order it here. But trust me: Skip the scrub.