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  1. You suffer from a socially crippling case of underarm sweating.
  2. You have a medical need to reduce "pain and itch" and/or um, "anal fissure."
  3. You're Rachel Zoe.

Poor Rachel Zoe. Well, actually scratch that: rich Rachel Zoe. People love to hate this woman, though I can't completely comprehend why no one ever tires of reading about her vapid tabloid clients (Nic, LiLo), but just can't seem to vibe on her. I mean, what's the diff between one ana in huge sunglasses and vintage Pucci clone and another? But ever since Nicole publicly lashed her by calling her "raisinface" in a mature, rational dialogue on the relevant forum that is MySpace, attention has turned away from Zoe's apparent hanging on/star fucking/crudité-eating antics and on to her excessive premature aging. A lifetime of sun worshipping, alleged eating disorders and drug use seems to have taken its toll on her, and a recent appearance on Tyra highlighted a distinct lack of the major forehead creases she usually sports. You know what? To be perfectly honest, my first instinct is to say that homegirl looks a gagillion times better. But then again, I'm not a huge injection and/or surgery advocate (you can see how I feel about the homogenization of "celeb face" here).

But maybe my eye has been media trained to equate unnatural tautness with acceptable--and even more palatable--for public consumption and all that. And maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but maybe, just maybe, Zoe was being incredibly cool for not getting work done. Sadly, she caved. Still, if you ascribe to that whole Hollywood look and you're all up in that plasticized world anyway, I imagine it's incredibly hard to not go for it. Why, I'm sure she probably got to trade a Chanel bag for gratis shots! Eh. What's your take?

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