Image via La Prairie

Before my husband asked me to marry him (the third time, but that's a very long and complicated story), he went to a goldsmith to create a one-of-a-kind setting to offer up with his proposal. Together, he and the goldsmith crafted a mock-up, a surprisingly elegant and sophisticated setting that is large and in charge, one that lifts at the hilt and echoes a 1940's Chrysler. And when he was satisified with the mock-up, the goldsmith gave him an estimate on how much gold it would take to craft such a piece. My sweet then-boyfriend exhaled, figured out the two months salary equation, and then nodded. Then he realized that the cost was without a diamond. Oh.

There's a reason that gold is often the metal mentioned in every cliché about value, but one has to wonder whether or not La Prairie's Cellular Radiance Concentrate Pure Gold is worth its weight or not. At $525 for a vial the size of a tube of lipstick, this stuff better make us look as poreless and peaches n' cream as a pre-schooler. Or give us an orgasm.

La Prairie insists that the key difference here is in its secret formula which is designed to "de-age" the skin. Note the difference between that and the plethora of anti-aging stuff on the market. We're not talking about stopping time, we're talking about rewinding it. I'm not sure if they have the science to back up these claims, but one thing is certain: La Prairie certainly has the proverbial balls to attempt to market a fountain of youth and infuse the shit with gold dust. You have to admire this kind of hubris.

Let me get one thing straight up front: the packaging is very chic and the "microemulsion" of 24K gold micro-particles is so fine that when you smooth it into your skin, it creates a wee bit of a glimmer. However, aside from looking pretty, the 24K gold particles won't really help you stop Father Time any more than your favorite gold pendant can erase sunspots from your neck.

During the two weeks I applied La Prairie's Cellular Radiance Concentrate Pure Gold, I didn't notice any marked improvement in my skin tone nor any plumping of my fine lines or wrinkles, as per the marketing literature. But I can tell you one thing: at first I thought it smelled like fingernail polish remover, but a little later, I realized that it's heavily fragranced with something that smells exactly like old lady perfume. So essentially, this boils down to a very stinky, very expensive body glitter. Save your cash for a nice set of earrings.